-
When there's traffic behind you, always drive 8-20 MPH.
-
The best place to stop and check for tyre puncture is at a green light.
-
When driving at a slower speed, stay in the right-most lane.
-
When traveling with pets, make sure they sit on your lap with half their body hanging out the window.
-
Keep your brake light blinking by keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
-
Women are encouraged to put on their make-up while driving.
-
Use the top of your car to transport cargo and make sure everything is loosely tied, if tied at all.
-
When carrying large things on the roof of your car, drive with your left arm out the window and use your feeble little hand to keep the cargo from falling off.
-
Whenever possible, children should sit on your lap.
-
Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
-
If you have a car phone, use it as much as possible and pay no attention to the road. If you have no one to call, hold the phone up to your ear and pretend.
-
Make sure you have at least one of the following bumper stickers:
o "Don't like my driving? Dial (420) EAT SHIT"
o "I may be slow but I'm ahead of you"
o "If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk"
o "If you can read this, you're too close"
o "Watch my ass, not hers"
o "I'd rather be skiing"
o "I brake for no apparent reason"
o "I drive this way just to piss you off"
-
Your car stereo should be blasting music at approximately 1000 Watts.
-
If you are supposed to wear glasses or contacts while driving, don't.
-
Save time, read your newspaper and have breakfast while driving to work.
-
If you approach a bicyclist on the same side of the road, pass him by leaving only a half inch between him and your side-view mirror.
-
Adjust your car seat so that the drivers behind you only see the top of your head and a pair of knuckles on the steering wheel.
